Tough & Soft

Toughness is taught. So is softness.

The #1 indicator of whether or not you will live a life of fulfillment or aimlessly drift along the wish train 🙏🏽😩🚂

As parents, it’s our job, if we are truly loving, to ensure our kids meet real life as equipped or over-equipped as possible

We can see little Johnny get hit in the back with a baseball and run to him, hug him and pull him from the game (conditioning him that there’s something wrong and to retreat) 

Disclaimer: we’re not talking life or limb here. Don’t be ridiculous. 

We can say “awww, poor baby” and get them ice cream and “protect” him/her, ensuring we teach them how to be a quitter, as we’re producing fully UNequipped adults to one day have their ass handed to them by the world

OR we can can PRAISE them for taking a shot and encourage them to “get back up now. I know you’re you’re hurting/bleeding… God trusted YOU with this b/c you’re tough as nails… now let’s go, you got this!”

I can’t count how many young men (all ages up to about 30) shake hands with a complete wet noodle of a soft chubby piece of flesh that they simply lay in my hand

Like, what the hell do I do with this thing? Is it a squishy ball? Is it for emotional therapy? 

I always let go of it feeing a little yucky

We know pain is necessary for growth yet, when our kids get black eyes or baseballs to the back or puncture wounds in their foreheads (that’s my youngest at 6 years old last summer) or even scrape skin off their bodies when they fall … what do most parents do? 

They rush to pick them up, caress their faces and take them inside for a popsicle 

I assure you this, those kids, the ones the vast majority of parents are producing, will be DESTROYED by the kids that parents like me and many others are producing 

In other words, mr or mrs softy, your kid doesn’t stand a chance in the real world … and you did it to them. Out of “love” of course

It’s way past time we accept the fact the struggle and friction produces RESILIENCY and it’s the ONLY way to build real strength, emotionally, physically and most importantly MENTALLY

So that day they experience a hurdle in real life, they’ll be ready for it and know that it’s a NORMAL part of life and nothing else

The hurdles are there to be jumped, not SUBMITTED to

I love watching kids get babied because I know that’s just another one my kids will have no concern about as potential competition in the economy

Those kids are destined to lose before they start unless they themselves have an awakening and then they’re gonna realize how bad their parents screwed them for real life

I was taught toughness and not to whine… it took a while for it to sink in my thick head

We teach our kids toughness for sure and that includes dad wrestling and hitting them a little harder than I should 

 Bruises are good. 

 Battle wounds are great and glorious

Scars tell great stories

Let your kids “suffer” through their battles, while you’re next to them ENCOURAGING them to be strong and “you got this” and “you’re super tough”

You’ll find a much less ENTITLED little jerk, and a more compassionate, respectable and empathetic person, as they grow a hard skin, soft heart and a will of character that NO ONE (including their own mind) can deter when they go after a goal

To this day my daughter thanks us for not letting her stay off a horse that bucked her off when she was ALMOST 6. 

She’s very tough and I’m proud of that but more importantly I KNOW she’s gonna respond appropriately when life knocks her to the ground. 

Because IT WILL. IT ALWAYS DOES. 

Pic 1: one of my baseball kids on our team

(Has parents who teach toughness, thank God)

Pic 2: my oldest at 12 years old got hit in the spine with a fast ball (around 45-50mph). 

That same season he pulled his own tooth while in between innings and didn’t miss a pitch

Pic 3: my youngest at 6 years old last summer punctured his head on a door handle as he ran by and someone opened it

The moral: teach your kids toughness so they can have a shot in life

#tough #soft #champion #wimp #pain #parenting #family #kids

About the Author

Adam Kasix writes about living in your divine or authentic identity-the one God intended, rather than the one the world has conditioned into you. He is the host of the Instigator Freed ’em! podcast. 

Adam has taken 23 years of setbacks, victories, tragedies and exhilarating breakthroughs and distilled it all into practical yet powerful lessons that will help anyone live the life they crave.

Thanks for reading. You can get more actionable ideas in Fusion, my email newsletter. I share insights from the intersection of practicality, spirituality and our shared messy realities. Hundreds of Instigator’s lives are better for it. 
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