The true story of my personal rock bottom – part 1 of 3

Adam Kasix

It was before dawn, the morning of September 15th.

In downtown Detroit, summer was gasping for breath, as fall began to squeeze.

I was standing in the birthing room holding my brand new baby girl… my wife’s and my first daughter.

The only place darker than that pre-sunrise sky was the life I had been living the previous 3 ½ years – for within me, there were no glimmering stars.

In this divine moment, a moment meant for pure elation, I was filled with shame and disgust.

<<< Rewind 10 days

You know those dark overcast drizzly days that seem to last dreadfully longer than the hours they actually fill? This was one of those days, above and beyond the standard overcast Detroit weather.

Of all the mistakes in my life up to that point, and since that day until now, that day in particular will go down as the darkest day of my time on this earth.

It all started so promisingly. Growing up, I didn’t have it all and thank God for that. Have you seen what happens to people who are born with “it all”?

I did have two parents who, against their own desires at times, stayed together. They faithfully provided for my sister and me.

I played high school sports, had buddies & girlfriends, good grades, and as a young adult, a flourishing career as a registered nurse.

I once heard this southern guy say, “If you were born on third base, don’t brag about hittin’ a triple.”

Well, I’m not sure what metaphorical base I was born on, but like anyone born in any situation in the United States of America, I was born with opportunity.

The tragedy was that I was destroying it.

By that dreadful day of darkness I had been addicted to opioids (Vicodin, Oxycontin) over three years. It started with pills and escalated to intravenous drug abuse of Morphine, Fentanyl, and others.

I had engaged in multiple extra marital affairs, had a vehicle repossessed and had been separated from my high school sweetheart of a wife for months.

I had faith in Jesus.

Years prior, my life was consumed with him. I had even played a part in leading some to a faith of their own. And I was in a rap-rock band (it was early 2000s after all), played in bars and fed the homeless in Detroit.

Now, three and a half years into a downward spiral, on a collision course with devastation and a near death overdose, I found myself in another dimension of existence.

Part of me couldn’t believe the life I was living was actually mine. It felt surreal at times, like a dream you cry in but have actual tears when you wake up.

That particular day, my living nightmare continued as I sat there in disbelief, guilt, shame, paranoia, sadness and regret, partly wishing… I was dead.

I was with the woman I’d been seeing. We were alone, parked behind the building where the entrance to the clinic was. Her face displayed stunned apprehension and a quiet, desperate hope that we would not go through with it.

But as usual, to that point in my life, I just couldn’t face the consequences of my actions. So I manipulated the situation to my convenience.

Alone, she got out of the car. Alone, she walked through that single blue-awning-covered glass door. And alone she endured the abortion that I alone convinced her to have.

And alone was how I waited in the darkest moment of my life in that little four-door dark green Saturn my estranged father-in-law had gifted to my wife and me, wondering… what have I become?

10 days later, in downtown Detroit, as I stood in that birthing room with my separated, but still legal wife, I stared down at my newborn daughter, Adasyn.

I sensed in my soul that things were about to change.

And change radically they would. But my heart still wasn’t ready. My will, my flesh, my pleasure-seeking nature had not yet had its fill.

To be continued…

Part 2 next Thursday.

Live true,

Adam

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About the Author

Adam Kasix receives insights that fuse the supernatural and the super practical. This happens on a multi-weekly basis. He writes most of them down. He publishes some of them here.

Adam believes in the family home, in its various forms. As part of his mission to take back the home, he helps Guy become a man, by confronting his beast so life can open up for him … And sleep can be awesome again.

Adam hosts the Instigator Freed’em! Podcast. He’s really into his two-time wife, Nikki (and her hips). After 22 years raising kids, he’s still obsessed with being a better dad. And Jesus is ruling more of his heart than ever before.

“… I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep …”

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