the rest of that sentence could finish as…
…Because we’re not man enough to lead as a good king
…Because we don’t know how to be a good, strong, gentle man… so we fight, with erections, tight tee shirts and American flags!
Meet Guy —
See, there’s a little Guy that got hurt.
He was abandoned, rejected, ignored, dismissed, abused, touched, beaten, or otherwise betrayed in some core level way.
A mis-taken identity formed.
Guy’s Beast was born.
His little heart adopted the message: I am unwanted, ugly, lazy, worthless, “just like your loser father”, or anything else that tears his little spirit down
The pain lodged itself into his core, most likely from Mom and/or Dad, and most likely unintentional.
They were just repeating the same pattern they learned
So little Guy got jaded. That led the Beast within to building big emotional walls around his little heart, to protect him.
But when walls are built, they not only keep out threats…they also keep out goodness and love.
Once grown and big, Guy uses all sorts of chasing to cope with having little to no peace in his heart.
He gets reminded of little Guy’s pain at times–Guy does not feel like a man in his heart.
So what does he do?
He lets the Beast lead.
He does things the world thinks strong men would do, even to the point of becoming unapproachable to those in his own home
He battles self-hatred, so he produces reactions in others, with his rough behavior, that fulfill his own self-inflicted prophecy of pain and heartache and division
He gets outwardly aggressive, dives into escapisms like all day sports or sex or career advancement, business success, maybe porn, junk food, or extreme hobbies that he can lean on to feel powerful for a bit
He fronts. Guy puts on a facade, or false appearance, to cover the lack of quality he perceives beneath the surface.
He’ll continue faking it, even when his family is falling apart and his wife leaves
He tries to make us all think the ship is not sinking, even when his wife, the hot one in leather pants, is leaving him–no leaving his bullshit behind–the sad part is she’s not really leaving him, but must get away from the poison he spews.
At all cost, Guy must hide the little boy from being seen… and being hurt again
So he stacks all sorts of things on top–to provide cover for the scared boy inside–that’s what every good Warrior does, “Wake Up Warrior, we’re under attack AGAIN!”
Good warriors provide cover for someone when they’re vulnerable. And they attack perceived threats violently. And most things are threatening.
Twelve years in the Army and a combat tour have shown me, the harder and tougher and “more manly” someone presents themselves, the more cover they’re providing for little Guy inside.
We end up seeing Guy present with lots of whiskey, cigars, trucks, guns, money, watches, jets, women, business success, kids’ trophies, little league bragging, selfies from the gym (once or twice a year when he’s “getting in the best shape of his life”) and on and on it goes.
But then we see Guy get divorced. He then leans harder into his toxic nature.
Now, he’s really over the top and unapologetic about it
Suddenly, other Guys from around the world with their own little Guys inside to protect start drawing to him, from around the world are attracted to his message of “Power”.
So now, Guy is stuck, but looks amazing on the outside, while closer than ever to misery and death on the inside
How is that possible if he’s providing cover for the one inside? It’s because all that covering actually suffocates the wounds and prevents healing.
A decade as a registered nurse showed me how to heal wounds…they must be exposed, treated, then properly covered.
Then they can heal, rather than get buried only to reemerge as brute monsters later
Little Guy is dying due to big Guy’s illusions and need for acceptance, gratification, love or feeling important, valuable or useful–remember, little Guy was hurt deeply and adopted a mindset way off of what God designed him for
Post-puberty Guy decided some version of, “I’m never letting that happen again.”
So he goes The Way of the Facade
This is manhood perverted… or not as God intends.
When Guy truly decides to be a good man of righteous strength, he can begin his restoration process. But if he keeps thinking restoration is just for old cars, not only he, but everyone around him will continue to suffer.
He’ll continue posting photos of field dressing wild animals, to prove his quality.
And so the pattern stays on loop, little Guy into big Guy, generation after generation.
The Villain Hides in Plain Sight
But here’s the twist…
Guy doesn’t just destroy himself.
He becomes a role model for little Guys who also have not healed.
His message of bravado is powerful, even sexy to little Guys.
He builds a following.
He peaks way shy of his God-designed potential
But a ton of us—men like me and you—follow him.
Our desire is good. The approach to achieving it leads to destruction.
We don’t know we’re following a facade.
We just know he looks like strength.
Loud energy that screams “I am Alpha!”
We eat it up. We think it’ll help us bulk up into manhood.
But what we’re swallowing is a toxic mindset with a fresh coat of paint.
Being a good man is like being truly powerful, if you have to say it, you’re not.
If a Ferrari Spider and a Vespa Scooter are next to each other at a stop light, does anyone wonder who would win that race? Only a little Guy in that Ferrari would punch it. A real man would smile and watch the Vespa putter out ahead, before gently passing and only then would he tear pavement off the road with his power, for some fun, of course.
Guy’s not just hiding the boy inside—
He’s selling a blueprint for other men to do the same.
And we buy it.
We copy it.
We build our families, businesses, and self-worth on it.
We beg him to check his DM’s so he can maybe fill our void for us… get our wife to passionately make love to us, possibly for the first time.
Of course, Guy doesn’t know how to truly help us restore ourselves because he’s too much of a coward to confront his Beast.
And rather than learn how to become a good king or lover, he strictly wears his Warrior costume and crushes it for the handful of little Guys who look up to him and his “strength”.
That’s how Guy becomes a villain.
Not because he’s evil.
But because he’s unhealed.
And like any emotional trauma left untreated, he passes it on.
These “mentors” we admire—
They never went back to rescue their little boy.
They never faced the wound, their Beast.
They just buried him under success, swagger, and soundbites.
One big Guy even makes most of his living talking about “haters”. C’mon, Guy, why so sensitive?
And now?
They lead movements that look like freedom, but actually multiply bondage.
Their divorce rate, addiction rate, anger rate, suicide rate… it’s all evidence of The Way of the Facade.
And just like the plaster-sprayed styrofoam ledge around my front porch with half-bricks mortared to cinder blocks below it… their movement is founded on deception.
My porch facade is for curb appeal. Guy’s life facade is for the avoidance of facing his Beast. And it’s the only thing keeping him stuck, regardless of how much material or “followers” he has collected to make his little Guy feel better.
It destroys homes.
Sabotage marriages.
It inspires disconnection from family, division as a nation, ego rule, and chaos in the name of being a “real man” or not being “a little bitch”.
The irony is more authentic than him.
What’s the moral of this tragic story?
Don’t be a Guy.
Be a Man.
Confront your beast.
Flip the Facade.
I used to be a Guy… this is what I do. I can help, for real.
Honest freedom is undefeated: from our identity, to our marriages, to money, friendships, business, sleep, emotional management… the list of authentic victories is endless… when you flip the facade.
Looking for something else?
Email adam@adamkasix.com
