Why is this happening?
Have you ever noticed when you’re trying to do something that really matters, it seems… opposed? You almost get the feeling like, Is this thing cursed?
Maybe it’s something as simple as having a great holiday season with the beautiful crazies we call family.
Reflection…
Can you relate to this…
Over the course of about 12 weeks centering around the start of the school year (early August in Florida), we experienced several major life changes. Any one of them would present a change in the routine of the home that everyone would be affected by.
- I left my downtown office and brought everything home
- I started writing the book that God has called me to write
- I took on private clients and turned up the dial on speaking at events
- Nikki started college again
- 3 kids in travel sports (first time for that)
- 6 weeks into the school year we brought our youngest (age 12) home for full time home education
- Nikki left her role as a personal trainer at a local fitness studio
- We transformed our family garage into a real gym so Nikki could train clients on her own, while being available to lead Gracen in his learning
Somehow, we got to November without even realizing the significance of those changes.
It was after repeated rubs with relational friction that I was able to connect the dots–as leaders of our house, we missed it. And we paid for it.
👎 More arguing, tension and short tempers.
👎 More acting out or getting squirrely from our two youngest boys (12 & 13).
👎 More miscommunication and distance between Nikki and me.
👎 Not good.
During hard seasons, unity is more important than ever.
A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Awareness…
It can be really tough to know that you’re with someone to the end, but then still get stuck in patterns you didn’t ask for, you didn’t produce on purpose or you don’t know how to get out of… even though you’re both trying really hard, together!
That’s a toughy.
Determine…
We reiterated that we’re on the same team, the home team.
We verbalized our goals as a couple and family–all good there.
STILL, we had been acting as though we were against each other with our practical daily interactions.
I learned a while ago, whatever you tolerate, you get to keep.
I’ll say it again for the people in the back –
Whatever you tolerate, you get to keep.
I cannot tolerate relational friction… no, it’s more than that. I cannot tolerate less than harmonious living.
I hate it with a passion and I will not allow it.
That means, hell or high water, we’re figuring this out. Because remember, we’re in this until the end.
Soooo >>>
Adjustment…
We stepped out of the house onto the deck, closed the door behind us, and together, Nikki and I got to the heart of the matter, talked about solutions, worked out functional and healthy compromises and made a plan.
The boys…
We then brought out our two boys and let them know what we were up to. We shared things about the energy in the home and our concerns, they acknowledged the same.
We expressed the importance of home, and unity, and our roles to make it all work.
Then we talked through the adjustments and what their part looked like in the deal. They nodded and expressed good attitudes in playing their part in getting us back on track, especially considering all that investment in travel sports (nothing wrong with a little bribery now and then 😉
Repetition…
Action taken–
We put things into play immediately, which included the boys going to bed at 8pm so Nikki and I could have a better time to hang out together, given her 4am wake up time. The boys did their part and Nik and I got to chill without stress, together.
That was yesterday. And today has been great.
It takes an everyday kind of effort to make the valuable stuff work. And I want to get better at catching these things sooner.
At the beginning of this email I mentioned that it seems like anything important is opposed.
The apostle Peter, who physically hung out with Jesus, warned us… “Be alert… Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
I believe most of the time the ones he’s looking for are the ones doing valuable things, like trying to grow an unbreakable marriage or have an awesome home life.
If he can derail those, what’s left? There are things, of course, but in my mind, nothing is more important than home life.
I hope this is an encouragement to you heading into the wildest and most ripe-for-beauty (and also pain) time of year.
None of us have figured out much. We all hit walls. We all get signals mixed, especially with the ones we share the most history or love with.
If you can relate to any of this, this tool can help. Awareness is absolutely critical. It took us too long to catch it, even though I’m glad we eventually did.
If you have anything in your life that has friction to it right now, save yourself a boatload of time and headache and check this out right now.
Again, this all culminated yesterday in my personal life.
Use this resource that I missed myself, but remembered before it was too late!
If you’re dealing with friction anywhere in your life, especially relationships, I guarantee there’s something that’s slipping beneath your radar.
Are you willing to tolerate it? What does life look like in five or ten years, if that thing isn’t changed (or gets worse)?
If you’re not willing to tolerate it, let me give you the best I have to offer, no strings attached, so you can transform it.
Dedicated To You Flourishing,
Adam
P.s. For help with approaching and handling conflict, give me a few minutes and let’s get a start at eliminating it.
Kasix, LLC, 4522 W Village Dr. Unit #1252, Tampa, FL 33624
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