3 Cheat Codes for 4X Results
A story to set us up
That word alone might sound alien to some, M-E-N-T-O-R.
Before I had one, I thought people who had mentors shaved their heads, changed their names, put on yellow robes and leather sandals, learned an ancient form of Martial Arts and moved to the mountains of Asia.
Seriously!
My perception changed when I had the privilege of falling under the mentorship of a successful entrepreneur named Don.
I was in the middle of devastating destruction in my life when I met a man who changed the course of my life.
I began meeting with him, in person, listening to him, learning from him, taking literal notes and following him–which means I applied what I learned, even if I thought it was strange…
Contrary to what my mother thought… he was not part of a cult and did not tell me what to do or what to think 😉
A mentor’s purpose is not to tell you what to do or what to think–but instead how to think through things wisely so you can make the best decision for your situation.
She gives you her perspective on your situation based on her experience further down the path from you.
So why did I follow, or model, Don?
I knew I had come to a point in my life that I did not intentionally plan on coming to. But I was there nonetheless.
I was dissatisfied with my results to the point I wanted better ones.
As the saying goes, “failing to plan is planning to fail”.
I had done virtually nothing intentionally up to that point in my life at 27 years old.
I was basically doing the best I could following the advice of those around me, starting with my parents, who gave me the best they could.
One thing I never did was ask myself if the people giving me advice had the kind of results I wanted in whatever area of life it was.
Don had replaced his high-six figure corporate income as an international engineering consultant through entrepreneurial endeavors.
That allowed him a tremendous lifestyle of autonomy and impact on others, like me.
I wanted him to show me the way to that life.
Uncle Carl who has only worked as an entry-level laborer cannot help me in that area, but he might be awesome in marriage or fishing.
Patience and grace matter
After modeling my mentor for some time, I realized I had used the first 10 years, a decade, of my adulthood to make of life what I had.
Once I got over the shock of the waste I’d produced, I knew I could give myself and family more than a couple months to turn it around.
I made a definite decision to to expand toward my potential, the things God had in mind when he created me. I was no where close.
Eventually, I began to see some of his type of results show up in my life, like more positivity in the house.
In time, his guidance rubbed off on my bank account too, starting with getting rid of all bad debt.
If nothing else – in the beginning – I was like a student at the feet of masters learning to think like those who live their life as determined by them and their God.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water… whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1.3
Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers… Proverbs 16.20
Don was the first “stream of water” I was aware of enough to recognize. I mentally planted myself near him and his energy, along with relational & spiritual wisdom affected me, prospered me.
Almost instantly, I experienced improvements in my top priorities like understanding who I was, my relationship with God, my marriage & parenting and my career opportunities.
These are 3 of the most significant life-changing insights I’ve ever found, as it relates to mentors and coaches-
Cheat Code 1 – EXPERIENCE
“Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.” – Mark Twain
The young man asked the older man, “How are you so successful?
Older man: I make good decisions.
Young man: How do you do that?
OM: Experience.
YM: How do you get experience?
OM: By making bad decisions.
A solid mentor or coach, will save you years and tears in the process of growth. They know where the danger is and how to avoid it. They also know the hidden passageways to treasure.
How can you know whether a person’s experience is worthy for you to model?
Well, it’s all about what they produce in their life.
- Relationships – Drama or Flourishing?
- Health – Lacking or Feeling GREAT?
- Career – Dissatisfied or Fulfilled?
If someone is at a high level in any arena, it’s a guarantee that they’ve struggled, probably more than you could imagine.
The great news is that they know how to break through those struggles and win.
They’re finishers. Like my wife Nikki says, they “get shit done”.
An analogy I love is if someone has made it across a minefield alive, that person has knowledge to offer, even if they’re missing a limb or two 😎
That figurative scenario shows up in life as teenagers navigating social stuff, going after a new venture, getting married, being a [good] parent or becoming a triathlete at 40.
The mistake that most people make is simply ignoring guidance, thinking they know better. They don’t even consider their own ignorance as being a factor.
I know ignorance seems like a rough word for most of us, but it’s just “not knowing”.
Allow me to illustrate.
I mean after all, triathlon is just running, bicycling and swimming, right? I mean, most of us did all that when we were six… Nope.
No matter how hard I tried, I would over-exert and nearly suffocate after swimming just a few laps.
I’ve been a strong swimmer since I was little.
I couldn’t break through this for weeks. I got frustrated. Only then I realized, maybe I’m missing something.
I watched several YouTube videos from pro Triathletes and Olympic swimmers just to learn how to breathe while swimming long distance.
And there I was, thinking [ignorantly] I knew how to breathe…
I’ve been an expert breather since I was in my highchair flinging preservative-packed SpaghettiOs onto the outdated linoleum floor of our upper flat in Detroit.
Usually, we don’t know what we don’t know.
This was definitely the case for me too many times to mention.
I ended up getting pro-tips from the pros, like emptying all air from the lungs before inhaling again.
I couldn’t breathe long because I was holding toxic air and it was literally killing me. I had no idea!
Now, you tell me what well-intended non-olympian, mom-of-a-toddler learning to swim knows that.
Exhaling completely is the way. This expels the CO2 thereby increasing efficiency and capacity.
The first session I tried it, I went FOUR TIMES farther without the need to grab the ledge and suck air like I was being suffocated with a plastic bag.
FIRST SESSION… my entire experience changed.
Cheat Code 2 – CHALLENGE
“I’m not asking you to be responsible for her response, I’m asking you to take responsibility as a man.” -Don to me about my marriage
More often than not, we will not accomplish nearly as much on our own as we would with someone next to us, challenging and cheering us on.
They did an experiment with people putting their hands in ice to see how long they could last.
There were two groups:
- One had a friend next to them
- One had to endure it alone
The presence of another person during the experimental pain tasks resulted in an increase in both pain threshold and tolerance.
A good mentor will buy none of your “good” excuses.
This isn’t because your obstacles to success aren’t real, it’s because the coach knows, by experience, you can conquer them.
He/she will help you develop a game plan that will stretch you and force you to grow, like when Don challenged me to be a man and take care of my family.
Cheat Code 3 – BELIEF
“Ever seen Cinderella Man? It’s the true story of Jim Braddock, the heavy weight champion boxer.
He lost everything but never gave up.
He fought for his family, rose back up and became champion again. You’re MY Cinderella Man! Hey, C-man!” Don to me
The importance of belief cannot be overstated.
“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most of us grow up in a harsh, condemning world without a consistent, positive, affirming voice telling us we can accomplish that stuff in our heart.
Actually, we’re told we can be anything we want to be… until somewhere around junior high.
At that point, we’re told to get our heads out of the clouds.
I speak from personal experience; Don became that affirming voice for me.
He didn’t whisper blind positivity in my ears, blow sunshine up my skirt or ignore issues that kept me from my best.
But, he did pour belief into me to help build me up and I’ve benefited greatly in everyday ways from it.
The bible calls that edification and we’re all supposed to support each other like that.
Almost no one gets to experience that blessing in their life. I think that’s super sad because I know how it changed my experience of this life.
I know life has kicked you in the teeth and you’re not alone.
There is nothing quite like knowing you have someone no further than a phone call to reach their hand down to grab your out-stretched hand and pull you up.
It’s okay to have that kind of help in life.
In my experience, those who have experienced this kind of love are the ones who pay it forward the most.
Please, find someone worthy of playing that part in your life.
Use the insights I’ve offered here in your life to improve something that matters.
I encourage you to seek out someone who has or embodies the principles and life you desire to live.
The expansion of your soul toward its intended purpose is THE WHOLE GAME.
The growth-minded person can never “arrive”.
You were made in the image of the all-powerful Creator of the universe.
“Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
[YOU] were born to make manifest the glory of God.”
-Marianne Williamson
You don’t know what you don’t know and
what you don’t know is keeping you from the life God has for you. – Don Freeze
To all in mentor roles (ahem, parents) out there, thanks for all you do!
If you’d like to find out how to 4X (OR MORE) your results like I did with my swim breathing, grab 45 minutes right here and I’l show you a path to it.
To this day, Don doesn’t call me Adam. He calls me C-Man.
I wonder what nickname you’ve earned with the fire in your belly. And I wonder even more if you have someone in your life who builds you up.
Love your cheat code provider,
Adam
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